Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
