Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize