My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
