You're a womanizer and a bitch.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
