I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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