I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
