I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
