I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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