she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
