I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize