Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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