We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
