I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
