my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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