id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
