Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
It's never too late to be topless.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Sorry about my life...
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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