If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
