Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
