3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
They took my balls.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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