i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
