i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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