There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
