I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
