On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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