so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
