I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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