thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
