I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize