i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
