Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
