I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Randomize
