you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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