I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
