You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm both gender and math confused
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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