i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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