i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
