I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Randomize
