I want to walk on stilts...naked
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize