so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
