I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
