i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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