Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
