OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
