I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
