Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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