God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
