The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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