how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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