why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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