that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
