My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
wakey wakey hands off snakey
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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