I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
