he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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