no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
