Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
