whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
