SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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