You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
