Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
