He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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