Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
