$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize