Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
we should paint friendship bongs
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
