Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
