So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Randomize
