do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
