A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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