god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
