I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
