you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
