just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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