I want to stick my p in your. b.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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