i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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